Saturday, February 14, 2009

Funny Facebook Status Update Excuses

Jane...


  1. really wishes she could but, I have to floss my cat.


  2. really wishes she could but, I want to spend more time with my blender.


  3. really wishes she could but, I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.


  4. really wishes she could but, I swallowed my gold crown this morning, and I have to wait here until it comes out the other end.


  5. really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.


  6. really wishes she could but, I have to stay home and wash my tongue.


  7. really wishes she could but, I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.


  8. really wishes she could but, I'm getting my overalls overhauled.


  9. really wishes she could but, My patent is pending.


  10. really wishes she could but, I'm worried about my vertical hold.


  11. really wishes she could but, I have to fulfill my potential.


  12. really wishes she could but, I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.


  13. really wishes she could but, I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.


  14. really wishes she could but, I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.


  15. really wishes she could but, I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.


  16. really wishes she could but, I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.


  17. really wishes she could but, I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.


  18. really wishes she could but, My yucca plant is feeling yucky.


  19. really wishes she could but, I just picked up a book called Glue in Many Lands and I can't put it down.


  20. really wishes she could but, I promised to help a friend fold road maps.


  21. really wishes she could but, I have to rotate my crops.



Funny Facebook Status Update Reflections

Aristotle...


  1. feels ashamed of his smoking but it's better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs.

  2. notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

  3. thinks that a day without sunshine is like night.

  4. thinks that if atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.

  5. is getting that Deja Fu feeling... That that somehow, somewhere, he's been kicked in the head like this before.

  6. knows that some people say that he must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.

  7. is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?

  8. is reflecting that the cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity.

  9. wonders if you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  10. thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.