Kermit...
- too is being recalled by Toyota
- is thinking it's a good thing the car bomb in Times Square was in a Nissan Pathfinder... Just imagine if it were in a Toyota...
- is rushing to KFC to get a Double Down Combo... Fries, Drink and a Defibrilator.
- is spewing hot volcanic ashes
- is pissed at Jay Leno for taking his job.
- is status-free
- thinks it's a BIG F*#!'n deal!
- is not buying an iPad. Period.
- just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF... Best Facebook Friend Forever...
- just heard that apparently the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is so big that Sarah Palin can see it from her house.
Phil...
- says what I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled "ball two!" Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny.
- says trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then, I met my wife.
- says you never want your kids to see you scared. You want to be that rock that they grab a hold of in a stormy sea. Actually, a rock would sink. So a floating rock.
- says all women should look as tasty as you when they're old
- says cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn't even let me and my buddies, Trevor, Scotty and Ling go to their parties
- says you have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete
- hears others saying "You can be part of the problem, or part of the solution." But I happen to believe you can be both
- I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.
- is a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
- used to have a machete, but times have changed
- There are fish that swim around all day with their babies in their mouth and even that fish would look at Youl and your mother and say... 'that's messed up'
- says when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — we call it a low two.
JOKER...
- For April fools day, I took my nephew to "Disneyland", but instead I really drove him to a burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said. 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good April Fools day joke.
- wants to remind you that everything is funny as long as it's not happening to you.
- is pleased to introduce you to baby Jacob, born today 8lb's 7 oz. Mom and baby are doing great! Oh yeah... April Fools!
- won a free donut in Roll Up The Rim... Yeah Right! April fools
- is getting an iPad!!!! April Fools!
- is so sorry you got fired. April Fools!
- noticed a friend's Facebook status said that he was suicidal and thinking about jumping off of a bridge. So I poked him. April Fools!
- Has got tickets to go see Nickleback! April Fools!
- wants to remind everyone to poke holes in your cat before you put it in the microwave. April Fools!
- is quitting drinking today.... April Fools!
- for April Fools day is going to tell a guy he's going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick.
Al Gore...
- has said it before. Earth Hour, Earth Hour and a Half, whatever it takes.
- is making smores during Earth Hour. Did you know that smores are actually named after the arch-demon S'morax, Satan's top chef.
- In order to read without electricity during earth hour, I'm keeping this tire fire going all day.
- says no Earth Hour for me! I got my fill of pointless symbolic gestures by communicating in sign language with my toaster.
- I'm sorry earth hour. I'm gonna be watching March Madness during that time. I'll make up for it by sleeping an extra hour tonight.
- says it's Earth Hour and has shut off all his electronic devices. Oh crap, this tweet is on his BlackBerry.
- Earth Hour... Apple claims it's actually iEarth Hour and that this too is another one of their innovations...
- Earth Hour? You guys are pronouncing it wrong... It's actually pronounced... Happy Hour...
