Pam...
- knows it's hot when your farts ignite!
- knows it's hot when Pamela Anderson's boobs are melting!
- knows it's hot when fat guys are making their own gravy!
- thinks it's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue!
- knows it's hot when Dick Cheney is waterboarding himself!
- hopes you brought the champagne because today is gonna be TOASTY!
- knows it's hot when when the geese in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
- knows it's hot when pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
- needs a spatula to remove her clothing. ;)
- 's earwax is melting, it's so hot!
- knows it's hot when Domino's Pizza is almost at room temperature when it arrives
- knows it's hot when the air has a shadow.
- knows it's hot when ABC announces a new show called ‘America’s Got Heat Stroke’
- thinks it's hot when the women in this town are ovulating hardboiled eggs!
- knows it's hot when Jehovah's Witnesses started telemarketing!!
- knows it's hot when squirrels are leaving their nuts uncovered.
- is sweating like the last piece of chicken at a Brown's family reunion it's so damn hot!
- knows it's hot when Barry Bonds is injecting Slurpees in his ass
- will finally know what Joan Rivers' face really looks like it melts because it's so hot.
- is inside writing status updates on FaceBook because it's too damn hot!
St. Patrick..
- is Irish today!!! Hungover tomorrow!
- invites you to spank his leprechaun
- thinks that Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious, but isn't calling him a "Saint" and giving him his own day going a little too far? Then again.. He is Legendary!
- says ”Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Irish.” “Irish who?” “Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
- is thinking that when the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland , what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!
- is gonna party with his Irish Friends: Patty O'Furniture, Rick O'Shay, and Pile O'Sh!t!
- says put your hands in my pockets and check out my shamrocks!
Ghandi...
- woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting relatives stay over.
- is going to buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Joshua and sell it for $10, to make of prophet!
- was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
- just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1987
- wonders how much milk do I add to baby powder to make a baby?
- wonders why are the people who tell you to calm down always the ones who ticked you off in the first place?
- can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus
- was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
- thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
- She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons
Charlie...
- predicts that although Steve Jobs already died, in 2012 he will die again and it will be faster and better this time.
- predicts Charlie Sheen will make his comeback on a new hit show called "2 and Half Grams"
- will likely spend 2012 jobless, whiny, filthy and living with his parents at 43 King Street except it will be cool because he will refer to it as Occupy King Street.
- can't wait for Breaking Dawn Part 2 in 2012 as Bella and Edward get hunted down by Blade! Perhaps that's just wishful thinking...
- in 2012, I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder (aka Kardashin Dash)
- hopes in 2012 that peace will prevail and that we can live in a world where pigs and birds can live in harmony.
- is noticing that all my New Year resolutions basically come down to "Try to be somebody else".
- in 2012, every time I learn a new fact, I will bring it up in a conversation, and laugh at anyone who doesn't know it!
- When faced with a challenge in 2012... As yourself this one question... What would Phil Dunphy do?
- predicts Rebecca Black will release the sequel to her hit "Friday" entitled "Saturday".
