Various Funny Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. is going to help fight continental drift.
2. is stamping out, eliminating and abolishing redundancy!
3. fought the lawn and the lawn won.
4. knows it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
5. lives in his own little world, but it's OK — they know me here.
6. suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.
7. trys to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
8. is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
9. is not an actor, but I play one on TV.
10. has had fun before. This isn't it.
11. is wondering if less means more, then think how much more, would more be?
12. can't stand, it's intolerance.
13. says if things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Even More Funny Random Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. is dyslexic which means never having to say that you're yrros.
2. says dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
3. stopped to think and forget to start again?
4. thinks everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
5. thinks that friends help you move but real friends help you move bodies.
6. is geting behind early so he can have plenty of time to catch up
7. says "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
8. Got milked?
9. thinks that happiness is a failure to understand how bad things really are.
10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Yup More Assorted Funny Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. says it's been a business doing pleasure with you.
2. is frustrated that he knows all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask him the questions.
3. says last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, "Where is the ceiling?!"
4. notices that nobody ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
5. says "Oh no, not another learning experience!"
6. has seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
7. woke up screaming realizing he hadn't fallen asleep yet.
8. This line intentionally left unjustified.
9. thinks this would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
10. has calculated that three out of four Facebook contacts make up 75% of his friends list
11. Is starting to think that today is the tomorrow he worried about yesterday.
12. wonders is the "Hokey Pokey" is really what it's all about?

More Random Funny Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. Works for the department of redundant departments.
2. ask if you expect mere proof to sway his opinion?
3. wonders if you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
4. just found out that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary!
5. wonders if illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
6. reminds you to not play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
7. says don't read everything you believe.
8. says don't sweat petty things — or pet sweaty things.
9. pleads that you don't treat me any differently than you would the King.
10. is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.