Jennifer...
- is going to buy a parrot and then teach it to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"
- is going to change his name to Simon and then go around speaking in third person.
- is driving around town, following runners, and blasting "Eye Of The Tiger" for encouragement!
- put some vanilla pudding in to a mayonnaise jar and is eating it in public
- is handing out lemons to people on a street corner and wearing a shirt that says "Life"
- is going to major in philosophy and then go around and ask "WHY do you want fries with that?"
- just ran into a store screaming "What year is this?" and when the cashier replied with the year, I ran out screaming, "It Worked! It Worked!!!"
- is changing my last name to Acula, and going to become a doctor...
- just hired two private investigators to follow each other
- is standing in a crowded elevator saying, "I guess you are probably wondering why I've gathered you all here today..."
Pam...
- knows it's hot when your farts ignite!
- knows it's hot when Pamela Anderson's boobs are melting!
- knows it's hot when fat guys are making their own gravy!
- thinks it's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue!
- knows it's hot when Dick Cheney is waterboarding himself!
- hopes you brought the champagne because today is gonna be TOASTY!
- knows it's hot when when the geese in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
- knows it's hot when pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
- needs a spatula to remove her clothing. ;)
- 's earwax is melting, it's so hot!
- knows it's hot when Domino's Pizza is almost at room temperature when it arrives
- knows it's hot when the air has a shadow.
- knows it's hot when ABC announces a new show called ‘America’s Got Heat Stroke’
- thinks it's hot when the women in this town are ovulating hardboiled eggs!
- knows it's hot when Jehovah's Witnesses started telemarketing!!
- knows it's hot when squirrels are leaving their nuts uncovered.
- is sweating like the last piece of chicken at a Brown's family reunion it's so damn hot!
- knows it's hot when Barry Bonds is injecting Slurpees in his ass
- will finally know what Joan Rivers' face really looks like it melts because it's so hot.
- is inside writing status updates on FaceBook because it's too damn hot!
St. Patrick..
- is Irish today!!! Hungover tomorrow!
- invites you to spank his leprechaun
- thinks that Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious, but isn't calling him a "Saint" and giving him his own day going a little too far? Then again.. He is Legendary!
- says ”Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Irish.” “Irish who?” “Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
- is thinking that when the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland , what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!
- is gonna party with his Irish Friends: Patty O'Furniture, Rick O'Shay, and Pile O'Sh!t!
- says put your hands in my pockets and check out my shamrocks!
Ghandi...
- woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting relatives stay over.
- is going to buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Joshua and sell it for $10, to make of prophet!
- was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
- just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1987
- wonders how much milk do I add to baby powder to make a baby?
- wonders why are the people who tell you to calm down always the ones who ticked you off in the first place?
- can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus
- was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
- thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
- She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons
