Research inspired Funny Facebook Status Updates

David is...

1. writing a paper called "Sex and Pregnancy: A Possible Connection"
2. presenting his thesis on "E=MC3: That's Right, Einstein, I Said Cubed!"
3. being interviewed on his new novel "Sweet and Sour Pork: How Can It Be Both? At The Same Time?"
4. Gathering research for his essay, "Lincoln: The Man, The President, The Town Car"
5. Wondering if his new research grant will accept his thesis, "Whoops!: I Blew My $800,000 Research Grant At The MGM Grand Casino"
6. Pondering the scientific evidence to support the claim "Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: So Cheesy, It Should Be Called 'Kraft Cheese & Macaroni'"
7. reviewing extensive analysis on the topic "There Sure Are A Lot of 'Smiths' In The Phone Book, Dude"
8. writing his final paper called "The Isotope Conjecture: A Fake Title So My Wife Won't Look Inside Here and See My Letters To Penthouse Forum"
9. a bit disappointed he didn't win the Nobel Prize as evidenced by his book "Why The People Who Award The Nobel Prize Are A Bunch Of Jerks"
10. doing scientific research on "Gravity: The Devil's Tool"

Miscellaneous Funny Facebook Status Updates - III

Name is...

1. shaking it like a polaroid picture
2. shaken not stirred
3. brought to you by the letters W T F
4. raging against the machine!
5. taking his sugar with coffee and creme
6. currently out of his mind but please feel free to leave a message
7. the one that put a hole in the ozone layer
8. all that
9. drinking in a box, NAME is drinking with a Fox, NAME will drink green beer and Rum, NAME will drink them till he's numb...
10. the reason the chicken crossed the road