Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Yup More Assorted Funny Facebook Status Updates

  1. says it's been a business doing pleasure with you.
  2. is frustrated that he knows all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask him the questions.
  3. says last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, "Where is the ceiling?!"
  4. notices that nobody ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
  5. says "Oh no, not another learning experience!"
  6. has seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  7. woke up screaming realizing he hadn't fallen asleep yet.
  8. This line intentionally left unjustified.
  9. thinks this would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
  10. has calculated that three out of four Facebook contacts make up 75% of his friends list
  11. Is starting to think that today is the tomorrow he worried about yesterday.
  12. wonders is the "Hokey Pokey" is really what it's all about?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

More Random Funny Facebook Status Updates

  1. Works for the department of redundant departments.
  2. ask if you expect mere proof to sway his opinion?
  3. wonders if you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
  4. just found out that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary!
  5. wonders if illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  6. reminds you to not play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
  7. says don't read everything you believe.
  8. says don't sweat petty things — or pet sweaty things.
  9. pleads that you don't treat me any differently than you would the King.
  10. is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Funny Random Facebook Status Updates

  1. thinks that a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
  2. is going to have a day of firm decisions! Or am I?
  3. thinks all the world's a stage. Too bad I missed rehearsal.
  4. is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.
  5. is proud to be modest!
  6. says ask me about my vow of silence.
  7. is living better through denial.
  8. says blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
  9. is boldly going nowhere.
  10. says cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
  11. is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  12. couldn't myself have better it said.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Angry but Funny Facebook Status Updates

  1. hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

  2. Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.

  3. says "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!"

  4. thinks its OK to beat up an old lady, if its at Costco, or if she really had it coming.

  5. may kill you in the morning.

  6. reminds you that when we resort to violence, nobody wins. Wait, that's wrong. I win...always!!! Got that! ALWAYS!!!!

  7. thinks it's impossible to look at a baby penguin and not get angry!

  8. Shut-up!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Assorted Funny Facebook Status Updates


  1. was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi.

  2. will never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!

  3. is reading his friends' statuses and adding 'in bed' to the end of each one.

  4. is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.

  5. will never put salt in my eye. never Put Salt in my eye. Put Salt in my eye. Always put salt in my eye.

  6. didn't mean to accept your friend request. This is the last status you will read.

  7. is only a test. If this were the real NAME, and not a test, you would have been informed.

  8. never makes stupid mistakes ..... only very clever ones .....

  9. gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

  10. would like you to give him back that filet o' fish! Give me that fish!