Saturday, January 28, 2012

Funny Facebook Observations on Life Status Updates

  1. woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting relatives stay over.
  2. is going to buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Joshua and sell it for $10, to make of prophet!
  3. was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
  4. just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1987
  5. wonders how much milk do I add to baby powder to make a baby?
  6. wonders why are the people who tell you to calm down always the ones who ticked you off in the first place?
  7. can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus
  8. was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
  9. thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
  10. She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Funny "2012 New Year Resolutions & Predictions" Facebook Status Updates


  1. predicts that although Steve Jobs already died, in 2012 he will die again and it will be faster and better this time.
  2. predicts Charlie Sheen will make his comeback on a new hit show called "2 and Half Grams" 
  3. will likely spend 2012 jobless, whiny, filthy and living with his parents at 43 King Street except it will be cool because he will refer to it as Occupy King Street. 
  4. can't wait for Breaking Dawn Part 2 in 2012 as Bella and Edward get hunted down by Blade!  Perhaps that's just wishful thinking...
  5. in 2012, I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder (aka Kardashin Dash)
  6. hopes in 2012 that peace will prevail and that we can live in a world where pigs and birds can live in harmony. 
  7. is noticing that all my New Year resolutions basically come down to "Try to be somebody else".
  8. in 2012, every time I learn a new fact, I will bring it up in a conversation, and laugh at anyone who doesn't know it!
  9. When faced with a challenge in 2012... As yourself this one question... What would Phil Dunphy do?
  10. predicts Rebecca Black will release the sequel to her hit "Friday" entitled "Saturday".