- the new Black
- the devil you know
- the lesser of 2 evils
- yesterday's news
- thinking inside the box because too many people are thinking outside the box.
- a deadman walking
- easier said then done
- his own worst enemy
- rushing in where angels fear to tread
- knowing nothing and doubting nothing
- having his cake and eating it too
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Sayings used as Funny Facebook Status Updates
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Name: thinks there are two types of people in the world: Those who think there are two types of people in the world, and those who don't.
ReplyDeleteName: thinks there are two types of people in the world: Those who can count, and those who can't, and those who think they can.
ReplyDeleteName: is shutting down her compu
ReplyDeleteNice list! :-)
ReplyDeleteName has decided to live forever, or die in the attempt.
ReplyDeletethis morning i read an article in the newspaper about the dangers of drinking to much alcohol, so thats it, after tonight no more bastard reading 4 me!!!
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't take life too seriously.........you'll never get out alive anyway.
ReplyDeleteis goin to take your mom out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her agian
ReplyDeleteeverybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die...
ReplyDeletelife is easier said then done.
ReplyDelete(name) is lisnin' to 50, tippin' a 40, speedin' over 30, wishin' he was 20, actin' 10, and has 0 to loose!
ReplyDeletehi
ReplyDeletesaid...Be Positive! It's infectious, I caught it a few months ago and it won't go away so be careful.
ReplyDeletethanks for being there for me, now go away!
ReplyDeletehahaha omg.. i love u guys all.. u guys are funny
ReplyDeleteI hated it when old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ReplyDeleteWell, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? ~George Carlin
ReplyDeleteNot every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!
ReplyDelete.. My Heart Ain't Ya Dick...So Stop Playing With It..
ReplyDeleteYou call me a bitch bitch is a dog dogs bark bark on trees trees are nature natures beautiful so thanks for the compliment
ReplyDeleteThere are 2 types of people, those that understand binary code.
ReplyDeleteThe more u learn the more u know the more u know the more u forget the more u forget the less u know, so why learn?
ReplyDeleteMy answer will always be yes. Unless no is required.
ReplyDeleteim broke at the minute so the next time i see a 'slow, wet floor' sign im going to speed up!!!
ReplyDeletewhoever said it was better to give than to receive was clearly never the recipient!
ReplyDeletehow can I be full of myself? I'm too skinny!
ReplyDeleteHere I am! Now, what were your other two wishes?
ReplyDeleteToday, no one wished me a happy birthday. I'm not suprised, today isn't my birthday.
ReplyDeletePeople who try to hard to get a good living forget to live.
ReplyDeleteFace book always ask me whats on my mind. but i wanna know whats on facebooks mind.
ReplyDeleteBahahaha.. Dude the whats on facebooks mind was awesome.. I fell off my chair laughin.. Good 1
ReplyDeletefacebook is so
ReplyDeleteHell Was..Full So m Bac..:)
ReplyDeletegod is sunny days, even when we do wrong it is still sunny.
ReplyDeletewhen life gives you lemons, make orange juice and let the whole world try to figure out how you did it
ReplyDelete¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
ReplyDeleteBahahahaha!! I loved the handstand one cause I know everyone is gonna crane their neck upside down to read it. :)
ReplyDeleteName: is thhe Nattionall Spellling Beee Runnner-Uup.
ReplyDeleteName: thinks when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s like they’re saying “Here, you throw this away."
ReplyDeletename:’s favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. ‘Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem – just move on to the next. ‘Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.
ReplyDeleteYou caught me! Now what?
ReplyDeletelifes a waste of time and times a waste of life so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life :D
ReplyDeleteAgree with all posts.
ReplyDeletesex is not the answer sex is the question and yes is the answer
ReplyDeleteLove is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration,a guy sticks his location in a girls destination to increase the population for the next generation, did u get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
ReplyDeletei LOVE this one!!
Deletehi
ReplyDeleteIf your name was homework, i'de be doing you on my desk right now...!!!
ReplyDeletegot a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.!!
ReplyDeleteLOL LOL =)
ReplyDeleteFUNNY... I LIKE THE LESBIAN ONE...
I'm not a tease, I'm just a reminder of what you can't have :p
ReplyDeletewill never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!
ReplyDelete[name] is reflecting that the cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity
ReplyDeleteLOVE IS LIKE PISSING UR PANTS
ReplyDeleteEVERYONE CAN SEE IT
BUT ONLY U CAN FEEL THE WARMTH
funny funny, who is gonna laugh, it's a joke...LOL
ReplyDeleteNAME:
ReplyDeletejust had alot of sugar and is now wondering WHY THE WORLD IS SPINNING
find your spot on earth and ride it-surfing quote
ReplyDeletecowgirl motto-Drink till he's cute!
ReplyDeletelife is like a box of chocolates,you never know what your gunna get... so when your life turns out to be crappy that means you got the the chocolate with the prune in it...
ReplyDeleteFact of life....After Monday and Tuesday....Even the calendar says W T F.....
ReplyDeleteChris rock: what are you like a a 3rd degree black belt?
ReplyDeleteChris Farley : the blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night...
Chris Rock: that is pretty black, man ...
about the pissing your pants one i dont know if i should say "AWWW" or if i should be ROFL...
ReplyDeleteSmoke two joints in the morning, smoke two joints at night, smoke two joints in the afternoon, makes me feel alright.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't talk about it like adults, then don't talk about it.
ReplyDeletebaahahaha to most all of them
ReplyDeleteNAME: is out of her mind. Please leave a message or wait until an oporator is availiable. THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING (NAME)
ReplyDeletestudying is like student and dying put together (:
ReplyDeleteStalkers love me; Haters hate me. why hate? no lifeee.
ReplyDeleteNAME is thinking outside the box, it's too crowded inside.
ReplyDeletei knew my marriage was doomed right from the start because i was a pisces and she was a bitch
ReplyDeletepahaha much , at the love is a sensation one! babee funny ! was lmao! :L
ReplyDeleteOfficer: " Alright asume the position." Drunk guy: " What r u gay?"
ReplyDeleteDont follow me because i want to follow you
ReplyDelete( Name ): Is dreaming of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned!
ReplyDeleteTo love is to hate or is it!
ReplyDeleteDo you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
ReplyDeleteNECROPHILIA: the uncontolable urge to crack open a cold one!
ReplyDeletethats the funniest, sickest thing ive ever heard...i love it....you must be brilliant!
ReplyDeletei knew a jeremy transeau from houston tx. I was in mensa with him when he was 12 or so...he had an IQ of over 160....funny to think this is him...but how many jeremy transeaus can there be...if this is you email me....!!!
ReplyDeleteSome people say im scared of hieghts but im scared of withs.
ReplyDeletehere is a good thing to put as a like on facebook..... teachers call it cheating, we call it teamwork:)
ReplyDeletethats so damn true ;)
ReplyDeleteLMAO, teamwork!! love it!! nice one m8
ReplyDeletethere are two kinds of people, those who like me and those who can go to hell.
ReplyDeleteNeha Bhardwaj: I am a bit buzy rit nw, so can I ignore u sum odr time???
ReplyDeletei am angryy so i started yellinqq at my wall... then my wall started callinqq me names...so i went to yell at my couch
ReplyDeleteSure, I'd love to help you out... now, which way did you come in?
ReplyDeleteif you break a pinky promise, i'll brake ur pinky, promise
ReplyDeleteif 10,000 fireflies tried giving me hugs, i'd run away.
ReplyDeleteLOL I LOVED THE PINKY ONE
ReplyDeletelife is bitch, but then u go marry one...
ReplyDeletemen are like lava lamp,, fun twoo look at buu not very brite
ReplyDeletemen are like mascara,, the first sign of emotion- they run
ReplyDeletemen are like parkingg spotz,, all tha good ones aree takenn
ReplyDeleteyou have just read this sentance xx :)
ReplyDeletelmao at the wall one! n a lot of the otha ones too! XD
ReplyDeleteforget the times you walked by, forget the times you made me cry, forget the times we held hands, forget the sweet things, if you can. i can no longer pretend, i must remember now that your just a friend. RANDOM , BUT SAD! nicole~
ReplyDeleteOMG THESE R SOOOO FUNNY!!! ok im goin to sleep now =)
ReplyDeleteIf i die tonight, someone please keep updating my status just to freak people out.
ReplyDeleteI like the ones about men they are the funniest!!
ReplyDeleteMake one, give one, recieve the other (:
ReplyDeleteWhen life brings ya down, get up, punch it in the face, and yell “I’m Chuck Norris!!”
ReplyDeleteIs thinking my favorite cocktail is ……. The next one!
ReplyDelete"If you cant convince them! confuse them"
ReplyDeleteOMg The World Is Ending What Should We Do... (Name) Ok quick I need a lighterr and a a bottle of Tiki fluid....And bring me my PUPPET..
ReplyDeleteI know this world is a broken bone..But take a Tylenol cure your headaches and call it home.
ReplyDeleteThe things ive done for a klondike bar.
ReplyDeleteall kids r gifted some just open their packages earlier then otherz.
ReplyDeleteor
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
funny shit lmao,
ReplyDeletewhat about this pickup line ,
you must be a parking ticket coz youve got fine fine fine written all over ya :b
when people talk 'bout you behind your back, they might as well just kiss your ass while they'r ther...!!
ReplyDeleteA Child of five would understand this...
ReplyDeleteSend someone to fetch a child of five.
Men dont like to hear the words "Dont" and "Stop"..unless you put them together
ReplyDeleteLooking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a babrie doll.
ReplyDeletean ex is called an ex because its an EXample of what you shouldnt do again.
ReplyDeleteYour future depends on your dreams - so go to sleep! :D
ReplyDelete(name) thinks that playing “tag” with sprinters would be the least fun game in the world. Second only to playing on the seasaw with a sumo-wrestler.
ReplyDeleteif god didn't want me to play with it, he would of mounted it on my back :D
ReplyDelete(Name) thinks that playing “tag” with sprinters would be the least fun game in the world. Second only to playing on the seasaw with a sumo-wrestler.
ReplyDeletego bears
ReplyDeleteIf love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
ReplyDeleteevery time i start to write on the computer and open the program it says to me WORD.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm like: Yo!
(Name)I see someone ate a bowl of stupid this morning.
ReplyDeleteThe computer beat me at chess :( but it was no match for me at kickboxin
ReplyDeleteLove is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration,a guy sticks his location in a girls destination to increase the population for the next generation, did u get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
ReplyDeleteI was never interested in twitter because im not a follower/
ReplyDelete1′st person to like this status will be my profile picture for 3 days. 2′nd person to like this status will be my alternative name for 5 days. 3′rd person to like this status will be related to me for a week on facebook at if ure alredy then u will b somthin diffrent 2 wat u r now. 4′th person to like this status i will message u a secret. 5′th person to like this status I will write i love you on your wall. x :)
ReplyDelete- Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob
ReplyDelete- If you're broke, beat it! I ain't lookin for a sugar-free Daddy
- Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
- It's not pretty being easy
- songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the radio as they trick me when I'm driving
I woke up this morning and stepped on a piece of cereal. I guess that makes me a ceral killer!!!
ReplyDeletegood ones, i especially liked the one "when life gives you lemons, make orange juice and let the whole world try to figure out how you did it"
ReplyDeletewants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT
ReplyDeleteif a girl post a status she`ll get hundreds of `like`..but if the status is posted by a boy..number of `like` will be below 10.... :)
ReplyDelete````renz
facebook is a slow poison.....beware of that....
ReplyDeleterenz.....
Let's play "fast food restaurants"
ReplyDeleteI'll be Burger King and you can be McDonalds
I'll have it my way and you will be lovin' it
All of these are great., Still laughing
ReplyDeleteMy uncle, whenever driving by a cemetary would always say "people are dying to get in there"
A fact of life : after monday and tuesday even the calender says "W T F" !!
ReplyDelete“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.” $$- @hsii -$$
ReplyDeleteWhen life hands you lemons, squeeze them in the eyes of the person who gave them to you.
ReplyDeletelike a biggggg .............
ReplyDeleteA day without sunshine is like......well you know........night!
ReplyDeleteLadies.. the golden rule is that if it has tyres or testicles, you're gonna have trouble with it.
ReplyDelete-- Life is Short, A Midget Told Me that
ReplyDeleteIf someone likes it do u have to hate it or like it huuuh?
ReplyDeleteno one s a virgin, life screws us all
ReplyDeleteIf life is like a bowl of cherries, then why am i always stuck with the pitts?
ReplyDeleteto the comment about your uncle saying "ppl r dying to get in there" when he passed by a grave yard. The old saying goes...do u know why they build cemetery walls so high? Because so many ppl are dying to get in. LOL oldie but goodie :D
ReplyDeleteconfushia says.....He who goes to bed with itchy a** wakes up with smelly fingers!
ReplyDeleteI want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
ReplyDeletewww.cheapestusedcomputer.com
Unless ur name is GOOGLE, stop acting like you know everything!!
ReplyDeletehaha awesome guys:)
ReplyDeletei am rudely polite,and disgustingly clean,with my failed success,so i hate to not hate you which makes you love to not love me :D
ReplyDeleteEat me drink me
ReplyDeletei see you walking down my block,bitch dont trip on a rock!!:)
ReplyDeleteamazing group of quotes, I've bookmarked this im going to be coming back!
ReplyDeletelol its very funny, Just add the following oo in this great fun list
ReplyDeleteIf you can’t afford taking your kids to the Zoo, just take them to Wal-Mart… its essentially the same experience.
If you order bubble wrap online, what is it surrounded in when it arrives?
Knock knock, whos there?, Daisy, Daisy who? Dae-see me rollin, they hating patrolling
Has anyone else noticed that the symbol “&” looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
Which came first ? Internet porn or delete browser history?
Knock knock, whos there?, Daisy, Daisy who? Dae-see me rollin, they hating patrolling
its just awsome stuff dude ... !!!
ReplyDeletePunch up high these new Facebook Status
ReplyDeleteLove a ton,of them
ReplyDelete