Funny T-Shirt Inspired Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. childproofed his house, but they still get in.
2. is still hot. It just comes in flashes.
3. thinks at her age, "getting lucky" means finding her car in the parking lot.
4. 's reality cheque just bounced.
5. is not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax.
6. says Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
7. is not a snob. I'm just better than you are.
8. says keep staring....I may do a trick.
9. is DANGEROUSLY under-medicated.
10. washes her mouth out with chocolate every time she hears the word "exercise".