Funny One Liner Facebook Status Updates

NAME...

1. will be here all week. Thank-you. Thank-You Very much!
2. knows your jealous because the voices are talking to him and not you.
3. wonders... What is the speed of dark?
4. has too much blood in his caffeine system.
5. has calculated that half of his Facebook friends are below average.
6. is being spontaneous... tomorrow.
7. is joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.
8. wants to remind you that it's even worse then you think.
9. didn't say it was your fault... I'm just blaming you...
10. is going around telling people that you're really 46

More Miscellaneous Funny Facebook Status Updates!

NAME...

1. Says touch your head. Touch your nose. NAME didn't say touch your nose.
2. is really tired of kidney stones
3. smells better than he tastes
4. often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
5. has a clear conscience or was that a bad memory?
6. is modest and proud of it!
7. is boycotting shampoo and demanding real poo!
8. was reviewing your profile but couldn't turn the suck down!
9. is a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!
10. wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.