Mel...
- Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? .........You're on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like! Anything is possible when your Facebook status looks like this one...
- This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!
- knows how to stop the BP Oil leak from putting out... Just put a giant wedding ring on it!
- says finally an iPhone killer... Your left hand!
- says Hello ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. I’m on a horse.
- sometimes runs up to strangers on the street and yells "YOU'RE IT!!" and then runs away.
- is a little down since nobody wished her a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.
- is wondering if you choke a smurf... what colour would he turn?
- hates it when people say stuff in their status updates that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poo.
- not only had to take his mom to the prom.. he had to pay her $20...
- You f***ing do. You go out in public and it’s a f***ing embarrassment. You look like a f***ing bitch on heat.!@#$$@#$... SORRY Mel Gibson was updating my status update.
- has breaking news.. many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
- 's Miami sources say, Lebron James is not signing with them anymore. He's going to stop the oil spill!! He is going to clog the pipes with his ego.
Jack Sheppard...
- says for all you LOST fans out there, if you take the last names of each of Oceanic 6 surviviors, and re-arrange the letters, it's actually an anagram for "Get A Life".
- has noticed that according to Facebook, Hurley and Jacob are now friends.
- will now summarize LOST.. "Plane crashes... Weird stuff happens... People Die"
- is dead. Yet here you are reading his update. What does that make you?
- has found out what happened to the Polar Bear from LOST... It's hanging in Sarah Palin's office.
- is ticked off that that the final epsiode of LOST was recalled by Toyota
- LOST Spoiler Alert: Hurly is going to eat everybody in a big BBQ in the end.
- 4 8 15 16 23 42
- is aggravated! That was it? That’s the big LOST secret? Survivors were in an Italian restaurant the whole time?! Oh, wait, that was an Olive Garden ad.
- LOST is like a Haiku. Haikus are easy. But sometimes it doesn't make sense. Refrigerator.
Kermit...
- too is being recalled by Toyota
- is thinking it's a good thing the car bomb in Times Square was in a Nissan Pathfinder... Just imagine if it were in a Toyota...
- is rushing to KFC to get a Double Down Combo... Fries, Drink and a Defibrilator.
- is spewing hot volcanic ashes
- is pissed at Jay Leno for taking his job.
- is status-free
- thinks it's a BIG F*#!'n deal!
- is not buying an iPad. Period.
- just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF... Best Facebook Friend Forever...
- just heard that apparently the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is so big that Sarah Palin can see it from her house.
Phil...
- says what I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled "ball two!" Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny.
- says trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then, I met my wife.
- says you never want your kids to see you scared. You want to be that rock that they grab a hold of in a stormy sea. Actually, a rock would sink. So a floating rock.
- says all women should look as tasty as you when they're old
- says cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn't even let me and my buddies, Trevor, Scotty and Ling go to their parties
- says you have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete
- hears others saying "You can be part of the problem, or part of the solution." But I happen to believe you can be both
- I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.
- is a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
- used to have a machete, but times have changed
- There are fish that swim around all day with their babies in their mouth and even that fish would look at Youl and your mother and say... 'that's messed up'
- says when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — we call it a low two.
